The Zombie Prophet

My friend, Mister Paradox of the Secret Heartlands of the Empire of Canada expounded on the nature of a Zombie film recently:

"But wait a second; what if suddenly one of these constants became questionable? What if, the very thing that you have grappled with and prepared for your entire life was thrown into utter chaos?"

And he continued with:

"Now granted, it is often unlikely in a Zombie film that a character will have to meet face to face with one of their own loved ones, but do you honestly believe that their mind would not wander about the issue?"

Despite Mister Paradox's painted hypothetical scenarios of horrifying take-overs, Mister Paradox was actually describing what he would in truth not be allowed to say: A Real Zombie Invasion is coming. Otherwise, how else would you explain his recent review of 'The Zombie Survival Guide'?

"I’ve finally completed reading the fictional Zombie Survival Guide and let me tell you friends, if there is anyone who will be prepared for a Class I->III zombie attack, it will certainly be me! I might be in trouble during a hurricane, earthquake, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, alien invasion, catastrophic climate change, asteroid impact, global thermonuclear war, or god forbid… the rapture! But I’ll certainly be ready for at least a Class II Zombie attack.

Class II you say? Well obviously if you aren’t “in the know” about the Zombie attack classification system then you hardly have a hope of surviving the inevitable attack. The Zombie handbook outlines four classes of Zombie attacks ranging from a Class I with only a handful of zombies explained away by the media as an accident or cult killing, all the way to a Class IV Zombie outbreak which would place Humanity as the minority on planet earth, living in a truly undead world."

Mister Paradox is the Secret Herald of the Coming Terrifying Zombie Invasion! He knows. They want our brains! They are coming!

Mister Paradox is the Secret Zombie Prophet! All hail Mister Paradox!