Smiling for Godot
Ever you ever known a kind of friend who smiles and listens? A kind of friend who answers in non-committal platitudes. A kind of friend who has no opinions in front of you. A kind of friend who you assume is your friend?
I have known 'inoffensive' people like these. 'Friends' like them to be precise. They have opinions, but just not in front of you. They only ever listen because everything they do is measured by gains and benefits. And if the action does not benefit them in any way, they will remain quiet. They are supposedly 'good' listeners. The inaction.
They are non-confrontational. They are inoffensive. And best of all, they are insincere, having passed secret judgement on you when they first placed their eyes on you a long time ago. They have placed you.
I wonder about these 'friends', these people. They will appear and disappear from one's life just like that. You know very well, in times of crisis, they will not be there for you. They will ask in their own insincere, inoffensive way but they will not care.
Sadly, there are so many of these in Singapore.
In Asia.
The nature of societies in Asia. Asia just seems to be teeming with these sorts. I have had my encounters with them.
Are there any REAL people left? I wonder sometimes.
10 comments:
SC, what brought on this bout of blues?
No matter how close or casual a friend may be to me, if he/she is considered my friend, I wouldn't stand for half-thoughts or by-the-way talk. It's just not in my nature - which is VERY judgemental according to the old Myers Briggs test; If I sincerely believe something or someone is not worth my time, I wouldn't bother to pretend otherwise. And to hell what other people think about that.
e.g. not wanting to watch 'summer' movies just for the company of friends. I have standards even for 'no-brainer' flicks. I do believe some buddies have been hurt by my refusals to humour such outings, but I hold nothing back.
I like pie.
I am friends only with other people who like pie.
Urm, those who like pie have gone into the oven to be pie. What happens then?
If there's anything you need me to do, if you ever needed help, if I have the means to help, if my dignity is not compromised, if the help is attainable in normal human standards, if it is not a crime, if it is for the best of all parties involved,...
I know my ifs are many but I'll be there for you in case you choose to find me. I'll try, man!
(my ifs are just my own insecurities...)
I'm afraid those kinds of friends are all over the world. I call them "flakes."
But I'm sure the good ones are out there. Somehwere.
There are real ppl out there, and there aren't many... and that's the beauty of it... Makes it easier for us to separate the "flakes" (v, 2006) from the real ones...
and when you have a real friend, you hold on to them and be just as real towards them. That's when a true friendship is born...
We are all looking for one....
The word "Friend" is highly over used. I'm actualy guilty of judging people on their casual use of the word "friend".
Most people probably look back on their life at the end and can count their true friends on one hand.
for me, it doesn't matter.
having to guess if one is sincere or real, is tiring.
i just try to face the world and everybody else as i am, time will tell who is what.
V, I guess I am not trying to describe flakes. I have met my share of flakey people. However, you can sense their transient nature. You see, the people I am describing are calculative and they measure others by the amount of benefits. In simpler words, they size you up. They are not unreal but they just have no sincerity in their dealings. They are not false mind you...
Blue Moon, read what I have described to V. One does not have to guess or spend time guessing. Sometimes, as my friend June has described, some of these people are so good at this that one cannot even detect it.
Pinkys, it's not about flakes. Read what I have described to V. Yes, you are right about looking for real friends.
Scott, you have summed it up. However, my nature, despite not being social, is gladness at seeing people. It's just my nature to be happy to see others. So, I guess... I don't know.
Thanks Ari. I'm okay.
Drifand, there was no trigger. I have been thinking for a while. And I finally summoned the energy to write it out in a coherent form. What I have described is a composite of several people I know from school to various workplaces and whose names I shall not mention.
I have been meaning to express it. I know you wear your heart on the outside, like a few other friends I have. I appreciate your nature. I appreciate them.
For myself, I have always been blunt. Truthful about things. Calling a spade a spade and it is not a popular thing here in this society of ours. It is just that sometimes, when one encounters a smiling Janus, well...
The fact is that I do associate with people from all walks. I don't try to rate some as 'toxic' (as in what some popular motivational guru would advise) or others as 'worthless'. These calculating Januses would. They would only allow themselves to be surrounded by 'worthies', 'elite' and people useful to them.
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